set free from it,
to swim into vastness
and blend into breaking waves
but keep from bending
cause i bleed as you do

there are times when so much, built up, pent up, rise up
with a tiny spark and sudden POW!
and all is calm again, clock's reset
levels return to normal

been awhile since "normal"
in fact... months, years, lifetimes
at least it feels, in time warps
of secret thoughts that surface
though i might see an unrecognizable face in the mirror
only to realize it's just myself

just what is it you are looking for?
  what's being whispered in your ear?
    can i use your answers?
      cause i have none of my own.

so... how can we get pissed @ enron, arthur andersen, worldcom, adelphia, global crossing, etc., when our own government does something like this? what is that? so these large corporate companies get cleaned out, folded up, and liquidated. in these cases the execs all get canned, as they all deserve it... shouldn't that principle carry over for government entities too? bush, and his administration all need to go. it's his people running the show in iraq, and it's OUR tax dollars that are being wasted and no one's being held accountable. where's the enron level outrage of the american public now? how can people still percieve bush to be doing a good job? granted, he does not make all the decisions, but he chooses to surround himself with some bad to worse people. those advisors were his choice, and they are ultimately his responsibility. there have been too many screw ups, and no plan prepared for anything. not only do we need someone in office that can plan ahead, we also need someone in office that can say nuclear, cause it's quite embarrassing that our president can't speak "american" correctly.

this guy needs to relax. it's just a bunch of balloons. in the grand scheme of things... more or less balloons at the convention aren't going to be the issue that gets kerry elected. i mean... c'mon... you're mr. balloon... i think you're taking your job a little too seriously.

nicholas cage is a dirty dirty man. he's almost as dirty as someone i know, who shall remain nameless (ok nic cage is really more dirty... but the person in question shall still remain nameless).

solaris install is going slow... i keep having to redo it... but it's coming along. it's been awhile since i've navigated around the solaris enviro. after that... it's onto fedora core 2.

so i was thinking last night as i was taking a break from studying @ around 11ish. at that moment... i really missed sitting with linds, br, kris, mara, and whoever else in our living room in brooklyn and watching the daily show with jon stewart. it was pretty much a nightly ritual... during the week. good times.

speaking of petitions, i had found this petition linked from tien mao's little red book blog. it was started by tom mauser, who lost a son in the columbine high school shootings. apparently the ban against assault weapons expires at the end of this summer. the petition will support an extension of the ban, and hopefully get congress to act before the ban expires in a few weeks.

yes, it's more serious than softee... i urge everyone to sign.

mr. cool just passed by my house. while he is not as good as softee... i have to say though... getting ice cream from a truck is great. i don't know what it is... cause it's definitely cheaper to go to the supermarket and buy a pint of whatever... but just going up to a thing that's mobile and buying food is 20 times better. kinda like getting a hot dog from a hot dog vendor in manhattan.

speaking of softee... i'm disappointed in the lack of support for softee from new york people on my petition... you guys are dicks (said in the canadian south park way).

so i burned fedora core 2 and freebsd 4.10 onto some cds... gonna try and install one or the other... or both onto my retrofitted linux box by next week. solaris 10 is out i think... but right now... it's only released for the sparc arch not x86.

oh yeah... so... the last post i made yesterday was what was messing up the formatting of the blog. for some reason there were extra div tags... but i still see some extra unended tags in my template. they don't seem to be affecting how the page comes out though. i may have to play around with them some more... even though everything's ok hanging tags bother me... they're like unfinished business.

i finished redoing that site i was working on. here's the finished product. i still am not so fond of it... but the site owner just wanted to update the site to text from this. it doesn't matter... in the end i guess... as long as they're happy with it... and i get paid... it's all good. if any of you are looking for translators or anything... give em a call.

i hope this becomes more of the norm. some of the hours that people work are nuts... and these are people that have families. some single people in new york have even worse schedules... literally insane the hours some people keep.

everyone's interested in ken. he can earn a years salary in a day spending less than 30 minutes "working". simply amazing. i wonder how the taxes work on winnings from game shows? are they taxed like winnings from the lottery? or gambling? i think jeopardy is more work like... there's not a large amount of chance involved... and you really do need to know your stuff.

chem... then sleep.

wtf's going on here?  this is the 2nd time blogger... or something/someone has added extra code to my template messing up the css in the source.

you'll have to excuse the appearance of the blog... until i can go through and find what's up.  i've removed anything extra that i had added... as it's easier to sort through code that way... hopefully things will be back to normal by tomorrow night.

i just checked out the low site, turns out they're playing in buffalo the day before i get back from new york... which kinda sucks... seeing that i missed them last summer as the show was canceled because of a huge rainstorm.  oh well... i'm gonna need to head to canada in september to pick up their new album.

if i have time this fall with my class sched and all... i'm going to join an adult hockey league.  i guess there's a league that brings you through a developmental process... which i need... cause i haven't really played in about 9 years (maybe more).  i miss the game though... a lot.  only about $300 for 18 weeks of hockey.  that's $16.67/week for ice time.  vs. $600 or so for a 14 week season @ chelsea piers in new york.  hopefully i'll have time... i've definitely not been excercising as of late... i need to get more activity going.

so... i think that's it... i don't have much to say tonight.  i think i'm developing a mental block or something.  i better go to bed or study.

i'm tired now... and i'm sick of chem... but i really need to just suck it up and buckle down on it this next week and a half.  only 2 labs left... thank God... i don't know if i can handle messing up some more reactions.  here's what i found out about summer science classes... pro: short sessions, some students don't care... cause it's summer.  which can lower the curve.  con: short sessions, some students really care... cause they want to get ahead.  which can totally f*ck up the curve.  too bad for me... i think the latter is more true nowadays... there seem to be people who are really bright in the classes... but not enough dumbasses to lower the bar enough.  what happened to the days when summer school was for people that flunked classes the first time?  so instead of telling our young people to be persistant and keep trying... we're telling them to give up and do something else.  which i guess has its benefits... but... it probably kills some dreams.

as it is though... it's definitely tough to balance one's dream of ideal with practicality... i'm skewed towards the prior... i always have been... but... i find myself fearful of going towards the ideal... cause i fear failure.  so... now that i brought that up... i'm gonna stop... cause it's 1:30am and i need to go to bed soon... so i can't get into another long post... perhaps i'll revisit this subject at a later date.  yes, i'm a basket-case.

ummm... oh... i had recieved a comment on an observation/question about me living in the present.  i thought about that a bit... i can see that... but i spend a lot looking back too... and reflecting.  i think though, me living in the present is kinda different than other people.  other people like to do things... they like action.  their present is a race against time.  i kinda like to embrace the time... enjoy it like a fine wine, or gourmet dessert or something.  i'm more of an observer than a doer (though i like to do stuff too).  i like doing things like sitting in washington square park and watch little kids and babies waddle around on the grass, sparrows hop, or squirrels find seeds and nuts to eat.  i like the quiet places... where there are few people around... and you feel like you own the place.  new york during a snowstorm @ 4am... the south street seaport @ sunrise... the smell of leaves on a hiking trail in the fall... standing still for a moment...

ok... sleep.

so today's my mom's bday... she's on the first leg of her asia trip... visiting some of her old friends out in LA.  i feel bad that i haven't been able to spend time with her on the "important days" of the year... her bday... and i took a trip down to nyc on mother's day... of course she said she didn't mind... and i think she had a good time up in toronto with a bunch of other people... but still... i feel like an awful son sometimes.  not just in regards to my mom... but with my dad too.  sometimes i wish i was more like a normal asian kid... you know... the high gpa... graduated med school when they were like 15.  all i do is make life hard for my parents... as they've had to sacrifice a lot to raise me... and my brother.  nyu and columbia don't come cheap... hockey, violin/piano lessons, various trips to broaden our horizons, all of that stuff... it's all supposed to make me better.  somehow though... while it seems to have worked on jon... with me... i just got less and less motivated... and pissed a good chunk of it away.  the worst thing is... while this was all happening... i knew it was going on... but i just didn't change myself fast enough... and it kinda snowballed.  anyways... family ties are still very strong for asians... when your parents grow old... you're supposed to take care of them... that's how i always saw it... supposed to.  now though... it's more of a sense of wanting to... after all they've gone through for me... it's the least i can do.  i think in the past... i had realized it... but it had kind of overwhelmed me... to the point where i was just paralyzed as i didn't even know what was going on with my own life.  so now... i want to assume the duties... even though i still don't know where i'm going to be even a year from now in my life... i have a couple general goals but the main one is family related i guess.  find a steady stable career that pays well enough to support a future family and any relatives on either side of the fam.  i want to be able to tell the people i love that they can do whatever they want... and money won't be an issue... i think in the end... that's what will make me happy.  people make me happy... friends make me happy... and you can't get much more friendly-people than family people (at least most of the time).  so asian guilt or not... i've gotta make it happen... and hopefully it will all work out.

so i went to church this morning... recently... i've been going... but my mind's been distracted... and i just haven't been feeling connected to my spiritual side anymore.  i think it's cause i've been frustrated with school... and just feeling like i don't know where i'm headed cause in reality... i'm still uncertain if anything i'm doing now will pay off in the end.  today's service kinda recentered and refocused me a bit... it's been awhile since the message @ service has kinda spoken to me... it's a good feeling... my mind calms down a bit... and i'm kinda saying "ahhhh... that's the answer..." to myself.  those are the good moments... when you feel like God is just answering you through simple actions... ie. going to church and hearing a sermon which seems specially tailored for oneself.  so i'm feeling better... and more at ease now than i have been feeling these last 2-3 weeks.

there is some excellent news... ricky williams has announced that he is retiring.  that is great news for the bills.  if feeley doesn't pan out... the dophins will yet again have to rely on fiedler... who while he's a generally good qb overall (but not a great qb)... always seems to fold during the pressure games.  with the qb situation very much in question, and the backfield pretty much empty... the bills have a good chance of running the table on the dolphins this year... which is very exciting.  hopefully miami won't be able to pick up anyone else through a trade or whatever... i want to crush them... badly... just like we used to... before the gregg williams/rob johnson era... which was embarrassing.  don't even get me started about last year... dreadful... awful... dreadully awful.  wtf's up with our pro teams?

anyone want to buy an affordable home that's huge and has everything you've always wanted?  buy one in buffalo.  i laugh when i read about home prices here... cause it's not like prices in other areas.  you have these giant houses that sell for $2-$3 million here... and those are the really really expensive homes.  $2-$3 million will get you like a frickin studio apartment in new york or s.f. (yes i'm exaggerating a little... but not that much).  so... if you have lots of cash to burn... and want a summer home... buy one here... you can spend your entire summer @ duffs and the anchor bar... and eat all the wings you've ever wanted.  i promise you... you'll like the summers here.

next installment of star wars.  it's gonna suck just like the phantom menace sucked... just like the clone wars sucked... but you'll see it... cause you'll feel obligated to... cause it's star wars... then you'll think about how you were stupid for wasting money on it... cause it's gonna suck... and you already knew it was gonna be bad.  george lucas totally crapped the bed with the prequels.

that is all... have a good night.

so... i just used the hello software by picasa... which is now a part of google making it a sister company of blogger/blogspot for the first time.  it's pretty neato... and it's easy to use.  anyone know how much storage we have?  is it just an endless amount (i'm guessing no... but then what's the limit?)  so... anyways... these are pretty much all of my pics i got developed.  perhaps i'll rescan them @ ub in the lab with a better scanner and repost them in a photo album on a site somewhere else.  i'm sorry some of them came out a bit blurry... my scanner is a pos... i bought it when i was a sophomore @ nyu... which is maybe 6 years ago?  it's probably been pretty banged up as well... seeing that i've moved around new york... and back home to buffalo numerous times in between.  maybe i'll show you the originals if any of you are around or interested.

i'll take the digital down to the waterfront and tifft and hopefully have pics with better clarity.

so... that is all... i'm all blogged out today.

italian fest - buffalo's version of san gennaro happens in july every year on hertel ave (buffalo's west side). it was really packed this year... and there was lots of good food. hertel ave looking west. (07/04) 

tifft nature preserve - canadian geese feeding. (07/04) 

tifft nature preserve - view of the cargill grain elevator from main lake area. (07/04) 

tifft nature preserve - view of the old cargill grain elevator from marsh trail boardwalk. (07/04) 

tifft nature preserve (south buffalo) - main access trail looking south. tifft is the only designated nature preserve in the US located within the city limits of its home city. (07/04) 

taste of buffalo - niagara square & city hall. where ben folds, guster, ani, and goos played a week before. (07/04) 

taste of buffalo - crane & construction of new building for medical campus downtown. (odd since nothing this large in scale has been built downtown in awhile). niagara square looking n/w. (07/04) 

taste of buffalo - new york senator charles schumer (courtesy of tansal). (07/04) 

erie basin marina - naval park & skyway (07/04) 

erie basin marina - sailboat & canada, niagara river. (07/04) 

iroquois national wildlife refuge 06/04 

go here... and watch this cartoon.

pics this afternoon?  we'll see how they come out.

it's going to be close again.  nader must bow out.  we cannot allow the chance of another 4 years of bush to be possible.  this isn't about having a variety of choices anymore... we've already made too many mistakes, another 4 years of the current administration would be disasterous.  tax cuts ballooning the debt and deficeit to levels surpassing anything we've ever seen before, a larger gap between wealthy and modestly off, civil liberties taken away, and an international feeling of resentment towards the US that will grow exponentially.  so you see... choices are good... variety is good... but if you can't or should i say aren't alive to make them... choices mean nothing.  there are almost 6.5 billion people in the world and only about 300 million americans.  we are a little less than 5% of the world population.  the numbers are not in our favor if we further isolate and alienate our country from others.  we also have to take into account that being only less than 5% of the global population... are we really right in the actions we have taken especially pertaining to iraq?  could we be the 1 dumb, brash, and arrogant kid in the classroom of 20 students?  lastly... if we believe and are constantly proclaiming the virtues of democracy... how do we not allow the international community to move forward a plan of action for situations that have global consequences?  instead... we acted unilaterally.  ironic... no?

more later.

the chem test this morning was pretty hard... but... i'm glad it's over.  only 2 more weeks of chem 2... and then i'll spend a couple days here... and a couple days in new york... and a couple more days here... and then i start orgo, physics 2, anat & phys 1, and public speaking (yeah... i never took a public speaking class... and unfortunately for me some pharm programs explicitly have it down in their prereqs... and they won't allow you to deviate from them).

so... i dropped off my roll of film @ the local eckerd... but they're backed up... so i won't have it til tomorrow.  one thing i found funny... something that i've noticed before... but i guess subconsciously or something... cause i'm really thinking about it now... it's another one of those new york city things... when you ask a person who was born and raised or who's lived in new york for their phone number... they will give you their area code.  it just becomes 2nd nature.  in most of the US, the population is spread out among a pretty large area... so there's usually an area code for enough numbers in the area.  take western new york... a little over 1 million people live within the buffalo-niagara region... but we all have 716 area codes... mobiles, landline, fax, pagers, whatever... it's all included.  then you take new york... 212 (the most well known), 718 these are the 2 old school landline codes for manhattan and queens/bronx/brooklyn/staten island respectively.  then you have the introduction of 917 for the cell phones covering all of the new york region... and then those ran out so they added 646 for cell phones in the whole region and landlines in manhattan... and those were running out i guess... so recently they added 347.  so that's 5 different area codes for 1 region.  which is kind of insane... but needed... between all the businesses, organizations, people, etc., you definitely need that many codes.  anyways... my point is... i'm so used to giving out my area code... for my number... and when i do it anywhere else... people start writing down the area code as the 3 digits of the actual number... skipping the area code part... cause they assume automatically that you don't have a different area code.  like today... when the photo guy at eckerd asked for my # as he was filling out the photo form thingy... i think i threw him off when i actually said 716.  it'd be interesting to know if people thought i was crazy or being funny or whatever when that happens.  i can't help it... i've just been programmed by new york... like the times i'm tempted to pull out an umbrella when it starts raining...

hmmm... what else... oh... so as i was driving today... i thought about how you can access and maybe even assess people's lives (to a certain extent) through the rear-view mirror of your car.  it's like a secret window into other people's lives.  you can catch people doing some weird things @ traffic lights.  it's kinda cool i guess... being able to observe spiecies in their "natural" habitats.  that girl or guy in front of you can do the same thing... so maybe next time when you're in a car... do something really strange when you're stopped @ a light... you might make someone laugh and make their day... and give em a new story to tell friends.

so here's some big news... molson & coors are merging.  buffalo is a labatt city... and even though i don't ever really drink anymore... on the rare occasions that i do... beer-wise... it's pretty much always been labatt... and on even rarer occasions... molson's have been in the mix.  those are pretty much the only choices... when having beer... need canadian beer... and if that's the case... those are 2 that are readily available here.  there is one thing i have to give credit to molson for though... the "i am canadian" ad campaign from awhile back.  i was kinda sad when the molson centre was renamed to the bell centre... cause you can't get much more canadian than hockey and beer... and that was just a good combo.  i guess i'm kinda sad about this merger... i hope coors doesn't screw things up... labatt was folded into interbrew a couple years ago... but... interbrew is a pretty large international brewing company... so... i think they'd give more leeway to the people running their subdivisions to just run them like they've always done.  coors on the otherhand... is pretty much contained in the US... i just hope they don't get the "we always know what's right" attitude that so much of america subscribes to... and not mess up a good product.

i just read this yesterday... turns out amc is turning private... interesting how there was a big explosion of theaters just a couple years ago... and now... a bunch are being shuttered... and cineplex's are merging or being bought out.  amc is in pretty good shape though... i'm just disappointed i didn't invest in the stock... it's quite volatile... and if i were to have bought and sold @ the correct times... i probably could've retired in the from the years that i played with the stock or something =].

here's some good news... air america radio network is doing better... and has stabalized a bit.  whatever puts us closer to getting o'rielly off the air... is better.  al franken is a funny guy too!

here's a link to a strange pic...

hopefully buffalo can draw people with health sciences and business skills... or keep them in the area after they graduate.  we need to build a base to take off on.

i will shoot myself if i see another six flags commercial... and speaking of commercials that piss me off... the west-herr guy auto group guy... and that chevy year end clearance commercial... with the big tractor truck and how it's hitched truck bed is all sliding down a parking lot up to a dealer... i can't explain it any better (sorry for those who haven't seen it... or should i not apologize cause it's just that bad)... but it's just annoying... cause who would ever do that?  plus it looks totally fake.

that's all for now... hope you all have a good friday.

my head hurts... i have no idea what's going on in lab... for real.

so it's tc's birthday today... leave a comment on his blog... and wish him a good one... while you still have time.

that is all... i can't see straight anymore.

guess what?  another titration in lab today... i didn't mess it up so bad like the previous one... but it still didn't turn out right.  i'm just bad @ titrations... it requires too much... perfection... which i have none of.
 
so i guess the 2nd red hat 9.0 cd that i burned awhile ago is scratched or something... cause i keep getting failed media... when i test it.  i guess i'll have to make the move to the fedora project.  i did get some new hard drives for my old linux box... (2) 80 gig seagates w/ 8 meg caches.  load up fedora on one, and hopefully (as i haven't had very much luck with x86 solaris in the past, especially when it comes to getting x up and running), solaris 9 on the other.  if i get too frustrated with the solaris install... i guess i'll get the latest 5.x release of freebsd.  in any case... i'd like to get a unix or linux system up with apache, php, and mysql so i can test some web stuff that i'm developing asap.
 
i think it'd be cool to live in japan... or hong kong... or one of the industrialized asian nations/regions for a little bit.  lots and lots of toys...
 
i found this kinda interesting too... the change in the significance of sundays in the US over the last century.  there's been a pretty big shift into a 24/7 lifestyle... which at times... going back to the toys thing... i am a big proponent of toys... but on the other... sometimes i think we're getting too connected to things.  sometimes we need to just take it easy... and i find that the more stuff i take on... the more time i need to refocus myself... or i'll just get overwhelmed and break.  there'll be days where i'll lay in bed and daydream... longing for a return to a time when tom sawyer had his adventures in mark twain's great novels... or wanting to be a kid again... cause everything was possible and your imagination had no bounds.  remember all those stupid games you'd make up with your brothers/sisters/friends?  remember all the trouble you got into for your "adventures"?  why do most kids want to be older?  and many adults want to be younger?  i wonder what most people would say their favorite age was.  i wonder when i turned from happy tyke to pessimistic old man?  i remember i was a pretty happy kid growing up... but as the years went by... that all disappeared.  i'd say the year that that happend was a bad year...
 
gimme my cardigan... and walker... it's past my bedtime... get off my lawn you lousy kids!  =]

interesting post on callalillie's blog on her recent excursion to governor's island... she's got some pics up too.  i think it'd be cool to do this when i head back to the city in a couple weeks.  i want to do coney island too... which i didn't get a chance to do last time.  it'd be nice to ride the cyclone and deno's giant wheel... and get my amusement park on... cause i sure ain't giving six flags any money after their insanely annoying ad campaign this summer.
 
here's another interesting blog... this one just recently started.  i'm not sure if this was started as a fictional account or what... but if it's real... it's really interesting... and if it isn't... well it's still really interesting too (and the person writing is really creative).
 
on many nights... i have trouble falling asleep... i think my day night cycles are totally opposite.  sometimes i'll take melatonin... but i try not to take it too often cause i started to notice a bit of a psychological dependency on the supplements.  i used to find and throw in a low key cd and let that put me to sleep.  from past experience, i've found that sarah mclachlan works pretty well... she's got an amazing voice and usually with her fumbling cd i can be asleep by the 5th or 6th track.  last night though... it didn't work cause i got too focused on the music, her voice, and the lyrics so instead of putting me to sleep... my mind was all over and thinking.  one of my thoughts was how it'd be nice to exist in between words and music... especially in between the words and music of a musician like sarah.  her music is such a delicate balance of poetry, instrumental, and there's such forceful emotion at times, and hushed calmness at others... it'd be interesting to connect oneself into that.  i think the two songs that made me think of this were elsewhare and ice on the fumbling album.  i think someone like sarah can bring the listener into the whole spectrum of emotions and connect with them at so many levels and with such intensity (if the listener chooses to connect i guess) in a period of four to five minutes... and that's really tough to do for anyone.  i think that takes a bunch of talent in order for someone to do that.  anyways... that connection to music (or any art form) is what makes people crave it... cause it evokes some raw emotion in mere seconds of time.  i think the closest i can come to existing in that space though... is that period of time right before you wake up from a nap or sleep... when you're conscious but not quite... and you're just dreaming.  you know?  when you can still feel frightened, or happy, or pain, or warmth and it just feels so real... and i guess life feels real at the moment.  when you finally wake up though, you sort of settle down, and i think by the end of the day, and over time, you just become dull to things.  i'm kinda scared of that... becoming dull and boring... but i can see it happening to me now... and perhaps that's why i'm worried.
 
so... that's that with that... i think i have 2 more things i found interesting/funny... and then i must do some more... guess what?  yup... chem.
 
i think toronto has it right.  toronto's metro area is growing so fast.  i remember going up when i was a kid (early to mid 80s)... places like mississauga hadn't even been developed yet... and scarborough was the large burb of toronto.  by redeveloping older and underused portions of the city... this prevents sprawl... and allows older buildings to be reused and preserved instead of falling into disrepair... which could cost more to clean up in the future (exactly what happend to buffalo).  it does save tax money too... and allows for a better mix of people in the central city... as opposed to the people with money moving further away while the less wealthy are stuck.
 
last little ditty... you gotta love the w.t. and boy... there sure is a lot of w.t. in florida... with their dirty mullets, nascar hats, and classic stained used-to-be-white wife-beaters.  then there's the w.t. women... i only got 1 word... hot (hehe... umm... no not quite).  but in all seriousness... who hits people with a gator?  what is that thing?  an alligator?  what?
 
and that is all.

so i got some chem done today... went out to dinner with leng and jill @ the olive garden.  came home... did some more chem.
 
i'm feeling pretty good today... i guess the panic hasn't kicked in yet for the 50 labs due next week and the big 2nd test.  perhaps i should be worried that i'm so relaxed?  i guess i'll see how tomorrow goes.  i'll probably be hyperventilating and the insomnia will kick in from the anxiety tomorrow night.
 
enough of that for now though... more important matters.
 
i found this posted on tien mao's little red book... more info on the six flags commercial and a link to their site so you can watch them i think.  i CAN'T stand the ad anymore.  it seems to come on every commercial break... and i haven't even been watching tv lately... maybe the local and network news, jeopardy, late night news, and conan... and i won't make it through that much on most days.  i want to punch that guy.
 
what else do we have... ahhh yes... show... no really... this is pretty cool.  i'm happy to see the spirit and opportunity are still going strong... going way beyond their life span.  kinda surprising considering how the polar lander/deep space 2 mission got derailed... kinda not cause it's nasa... you'd figure if you had that many smart people working they'd get something right.  speaking of which... my friend bern did a co-op @ nasa's jet propulsion laboratory for the the deep space 2 mission... and even though it didn't work as supposed to... i still think it's pretty damn cool that he worked @ the jpl.
 
now that i've given some of you a chance to see spider-man 2... i just want to say it's really really good.  i saw part of the first one again recently... and i must say... it's put together much better than the first one.  it doesn't seem as rushed, and the character development is just really cool to see.  i feel like it's what the hulk tried to be, but the hulk didn't quite make it... possibly because the hulk tried to take on too much, so the story didn't flow as well as it just got bogged down.  it was a perfect sequel though, kinda like the x-men sequel... as the first movie i was just psyched to see cause it was spider-man... the coolest of all superheros... i used to watch the cartoon when i was small... and all that.  so the first movie was cool... cause it was spider-man... on the big screen with the wall crawling... and the web zip zipping... and the wise cracking.  the second though, did all that... but over a longer period of time... so there was depth to it.  it's good to see spider-man go through the dillema of being a superhero... unlike other people guys who seem to just do it.  it's interesting to watch the internal struggle... raimi & the scriptwriters did a good job with it.  i think that's what attracts people to a spider-man or the x-men... cause they're the so called "good guys", but people think they're bad... so at times they will question why they're doing the things they're doing... protecting people when people don't want them around.  it shows a vulnerability and a conscious decision to keep being good... it's an internal struggle... and people identify with that... cause who hasn't struggled?  people like superman... he's cool and all... but how do you relate to this guy?  everyone likes him... everyone knows he's the good guy.
 
and in contrast to tc... i just want to say i liked dodgeball more than anchorman.  i thought anchorman was put together very sloppily... and rushed.  the plot was disjointed... it seemed like they were going in a million directions.
 
and now i'm going to sleep.

i just downloaded their photobot software... so i can post stuff automatically now... and their new blog posting interface is really nice too.  thanks google... you are awesome.
 
so i just got back from jay's... i met up with him and we walked a block south to hertel where the italian fest was going on.  lots of people... lots of canoli, fried dough, pasta, pizza, sausage (sassage), etc., etc.  i ate the biggest thing of fried dough... it was awesome... and who doesn't like italian sausage?  i should've picked up some italian ice... that's what i was missing.  yum.  i think i might go to canalfest with jill in tonawanda.  i think i figured out why our summers here are packed with these festivals.  1) to maximize time spent outside since we spend much of it inside in the winter.  2) to build up our fat reserves in our body for winter.  so anyways... that was good.
 
here's something my friend kim in buffalo sent me.  if you get a chance, read over it.  it's about the fighting and killing going on in sudan (just one of many places in the world).  it's an organized campaign to contact our elected officials to release funds quickly and efficiently to provide humanitarian aid for those that need our help the most.  these aid packages are included in bills and resolutions going up for votes hopefully in the near future.  everything's organized for you already, you just have to visit the site(s) and fill in the forms with your info.  the first link will send a fax to your congressional reps, the second link provides more in depth information and a petition that you can sign.

We call upon our governments and the United Nations to intervene immediately to protect civilians and guarantee the delivery of humanitarian aid in Darfur, Sudan.We are one human family, and each of our lives is equally valuable. The mass extermination of human beings is a crime against humanity, a crime against every person on the planet. The international community has a responsibility to protect the fundamental rights of every person. When governments prey upon their own people, the international community has a responsibility to intervene.For too long we have allowed the worst of crimes to go unchallenged. 10 years ago, international failure to stop the genocide in Rwanda shamed the world. Now, in Darfur, we must once more say ‘Never Again’ to genocide. And this time, we must mean it.

-http://www.faithfulamerica.org/darfur.htm
-http://www.darfurgenocide.org/
 
hmmm... what else... oh yes.  blood bank blood levels are very very low in the US... especially in the northeast.  if you aren't restricted from donating blood, please do.  you can really help someone else.  it only takes about an hour, filling out forms, donating blood, apple juice & cookies and a little time to stay put... and you'll be off.  i don't think anything brings us together as humans like blood can.  when you're in trouble and you need blood... it doesn't matter if it came from an asian, african, caucasian, mexican, russian, man or woman, newborn or elderly person, we all bleed the same thing.  you never know who you'll be able to help just by setting aside and hour of your time, perhaps that pint that you gave up will be the one that gives the doctors extra time to close a suture.  the above link was for new york and pennsylvania red cross donation site, here's the link for the national red cross site.  my appointment's tomorrow @ 1:15pm.
 
which reminds me... i have a postcard of this one blood piece of artwork by an artist whose name i cannot think of at the moment.  they made the piece in response to september 11th by using one drop of blood from volunteers on a sheet of canvas, and it captures the essence of the fact that we all bleed the same no matter where we're from or who we are.  when i find the postcard... i'll scan it and post it.
 
my friend outlandishjosh is involved with music for america and it's sub and lateral groups.  they have some fun stuff @ this link.  i encourage you to check out the mfa site, as they're trying to use music to bring people together and organize as a political bloc against the re-election of bush.  it's actually pretty amazing how much more the net is being leveraged for this current election.  there are a host of different sites that are banding together, both for the conservatives and liberals in the country.  just to think that a decade or so ago, the internet was still unavailable to most, or available only as a text based medium through gopher, usenet, and email.
 
this is a blow to grad students @ private universities.  it's too bad, given that grad students usually get treated like crap anyways.  i'm sure nyu is happy about this those greedy bastages... they'll be able to roll back the concessions the students won a couple years ago, while still keeping tuition @ the same level.  it's not like i could afford nyu when i went there the first time... now... it's just plain impossible.  i mean... wtf?  isn't it pushing 40k for a year now?  that's like a year's salary for someone in mid-upper middle class... and upper class in some areas of the country.  even though i'm not so big on unions... i think they're needed at times, especially when fair and equitable treatment is in question.
 
well... that's all for now... i took a pic @ the italian fest looking down toward the east on hertel ave.  i guess i have 1 more before i can develop.  maybe i'll find something cool to snap a pic of tomorrow.  nights.

so i think i did pretty well on the chem thing today... so i'm happy.  unfortunately i decided not to go to sotw @ thurs @ the square so i could study... which really stinks... cause i've been looking forward to the show since may when they released the sched of shows.  plus they haven't been playing on the east these last couple years... just mainly sticking to vancouver and the western provinces.  i guess i should be happy that it wasn't a really good summer day yesterday... cause that would've just made me feel worse about it all.
 
anyways... at least the weekend is here.  buffalo's italian fest started yesterday and goes through sunday.  i'm gonna hit that up with jay and whoever else wants to join i guess.  too bad for baer... he's gonna miss the sass-age.  at least i don't have to deal with stocham... and him going off for a corn dog or some crap like that... total bs.
 
if you live in buffalo-niagara... and want to support a community organization trying to bring the region to the attention of site selectors and companies visit this site and read over who they are and what they're trying to do.  it does encourage me cause i see more people actually stepping out and trying to change things around here instead of waiting for our narrow-viewed old-guard local politicians who just aren't fast enough to adjust to changing situations and time.  throwing money at problems doesn't work all the time (i don't even know if it works at all)... and people are finding that they have to do it themselves.  we haven't had people take on these public community leadership positions in awhile... these people are important catalysts... and i only see good things coming.
 
congrats to canada for placing in the top 5.  i'd have ranked it #1 (of course).  i know you're thinking in your head... "hey... most of the countries in the top 5 are big hockey countries"... which is true too... coincidence?  definitely not... nope.  the list also includes countries that aren't to cool to live in.  which brings me to my next thought.  industrialized nations need to help out... especially the g-8... and more specifically the US.  we need to stop messing around with stuff just cause we can or we believe it's right.  whatever actions we take may be right (saddam out=good)... but it helps to take the time explain and get others on board (and have justifiable credible information that's been checked and rechecked multiple times), instead of making our decisions and always thinking we're right (iraqis are going to welcome us and let us take control of their country)... which... in the end... we found we weren't right.  it's a dangerous mentality when you think you'll never be wrong... cause you fall a lot harder when you are wrong.  we have the means to help improve life around the world.  we need to be a good leader... and lead by example.  our intentions may be good... but our actions and outcomes are what we are judged by.  whatever we do, we have to make sure as best we can, that those actions and outcomes will lead to better relations rather than bitter consequences.

i totally screwed the pooch on the titration today in chem lab... continuing my tradition of titration f*ck-ups. only... in chem 101 this past spring... i overadded NaOH solution... this time... i didn't even get a chance to get that right... everything about my setup was wrong... and i didn't figure it out until i had already spent a good amount of lab working on it.

on the positive side... my ta is cool... and she worked something out.

so i don't know if i'm gonna go to the sotw show yet... i feel like i need to study chem. i guess i'll see in a bit.

don't have much time to post... gotta study some more...

low carb on the way out? i'm glad people are beginning to figure out that it's not healthy to load up on everything non carb. variety of the carb kind is the best... so many yummy foods that are filled with carbohydrates... including tasty vegetables and fruits. meat 24x7 is no good... if you don't turn into a fat piece of crap... i'll bet you'll sure feel like it... when your arteries clog up. actually on second thought... maybe we should encourage those low/no carb-ers to keep pushing on... maybe they'll just die off... it'll be a natural way to kill off the stupid population.

powernapping for money! i wish i thought of it... and opened up a place in the city... i think it'll probably catch on... especially in a place like nyc... and like everything else... if they cater to the right crowd... they can charge lots of money and reap the profits. powernaps are nice... but you have to get up after 20 or so minutes... cause if you go back to sleep for another 30... you'll get up groggy as anything.

go lynne cheney you tell that dick who's boss... pun intended... er something... jah...

yah... more planned bike trails in the buffalo area. i don't understand people who shoot down good ideas on the basis that they'll bring "bad elements" etc. everything can bring bad elements... if you build a large shopping center... people from all over head to it... if you build a public transportation system... bad people can then move around a larger area... it goes on and on. but... you can't just sit at home and worry about that stuff... heck... you don't know if you walk out the door the next day if you'll get hit by a car coming out of your driveway... does that mean we shouldn't build roads? c'mon now... that's just a bad argument... in the end... it'll benefit the public by increasing healthy activity... and add to the benefits of the area. who doesn't want to live in an area with lots of park and greenspace that citizens can actually use?

hmmmm... i'm actually feeling ok today... i'm a bit worried about my lack of studying for my chem quiz fri. here's what i decided... if it rains tomorrow... i'm not going to the spirit of the west show @ the square... and i'll study. if it doesn't rain tomorrow... well... then... i think i just might have to go... but if it starts to rain @ any point during the show... i'll take it as a sign that i should study.

i won't necessarily take the rain tomorrow... but... good song... and i haven't listened to this album in awhile... i guess i'll put it on while i'm studying for chem... night.

I'll Take the Rain, REM

The rain came down
The rain came down
The rain came down on me.

The wind blew strong
The summer song
Fades to memory

I knew you when
I loved you then
The summer's young and helpless.

You laid me bare
You marked me there
The promises we made.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

The nighttime creases
Summer schemes
And stretches out to stay.
The sun shines down
You came around
You love easy days.

But now the sun,
The winter's come.
I wanted just to say
That if I hold
I'd hope you'd fold Open up inside, inside of me.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

This winter song
I'll sing along
I've searched its still refrain
I'll walk alone
I've given this, take wing
Celebrate the rain.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

so here's my new friend... he's (or she's?) the one that's been hanging around our backyard... all with its mini-hop and all. =]



here's an article that's got me drooling... er... something. it'd be so sweet to have a datapipe that big... a gig/sec that's pretty nice. nerd stuff i know... shhhh!

i've been working on a site for a client... converting it from lots of images and a flash file to text and css... so that it can get indexed by the search engines and hopefully drive more biz. they're putting off a total reworking right now... maybe in the future...

that is all... i need to do a lab writeup.

here's a pic i took 2 summers ago... from the fire escape of the building were i worked. the pic of the brooklyn bridge in the previous post was from 2 summers ago as well. i need to take 2 more pics and then i can develop my new roll... and put them up. any ideas? maybe the sotw show thur...



aug 12-21

if you have not yet heard... odd todd is getting his own cartoon on comedy central. it should be funny. if you haven't checked out his flash toons... you owe it to yourself to go to his site.

i'm tired. i need to sleep.

i'm gonna book my flight to nyc tomorrow...



just a couple more weeks of this to go through. i just want to finish summer... and breathe a little... settle down my thoughts and recenter myself again. i'm struggling and unfocused.

Red, Treble Charger

Saw you looking for a light
Face painted cigarette white
You asked the cleanest boy you found
You couldn't see me turned around
His fingers stretched across your empty gaze
That I just can't escape

As the red fades from your wrinkled dress
A picture of the people you've impressed
Hangs on a wall around here
Vision starts to crawl when I'm near
And the evening waits
While you get caught up to your own mistakes
Made up different lines
I wouldn't wanna keep in my mind

I wondered why you'd come around
Remembering your little girl frown
Your answers kept the crowd at bay
With compliments unwilling to pay
I had some things I'd like to say to you
But they just can't be true

spent a bunch of the day in out in the sun... a bit dehydrated... had to take some naproxen for a headache... but otherwise doing well. headed down to the taste of buffalo with tc... lots of people walking around... mullets and mustaches... good times. checked out tifft... went to the marina and waterfront... allentown... anderson's (beef on weck & vanilla custard)... and saw anchorman. it was a pretty nice day... took some pics... they're on normal film cause i wanted to use all of that up so you'll have to wait til i get them developed... but they'll be up soon.

here's a cool bikeride that i'm gonna think about doing for next summer maybe.

good news... the low are releasing their new album at the end of sept on the maple music label... and david usher's 3rd solo album is dropping in sept too. spirit of the west are playing this thur in the square... i'm pretty pumped.

Autobiography, Sloan

I'm writing "young and gifted"
In my autobiography
I figured, who would know
Better than me

I'm certainly the former
But I'm not so much the latter
But no one's gonna read it
So I'm sure it doesn't matter

When you find that you're the former
Take pride in how you form
And when you find that you're the ladder
Don't let those people walk under you

I'm writing "sharp and adult"
With my finger on the steam
On the mirror in my bathroom
While I'm applying shaving cream

Which would suggest that I'm the foamer
But how can I be the lather
And something tells me
It's the opposite I'd rather


When you find that you're the foamer
Be careful what you foam
When you find that you're the lather
Don't shave too high, you'll regret it later
La la la la

I've stayed in school this long
But still no one will tell me why
They figured who would know
Better than I


I know I'm a conformer
But I'm sure it doesn't matter
My new friends are all adults
And my old friends all have scattered

When you find you're a conformer
Take pride and swallow whole
But if you're trying to climb the ladder
Don't let people walk over you
Because that's just what they'll do
Don't let people walk over you
Because that's just what they'll do

that is all... i need to pass out.

i'm having one of those days that i just miss people. i feel disconnected from the world somehow. i'm not feeling bad or anything... but i'm not feeling good either. i don't feel like i'm making much of an impact in much... i feel like i'm blending into the background noise of life as it passes by. i don't know... i've always enjoyed being around good people... and even though i might not talk much... just being in the company of friends is my kinda natural high. so i do miss people... ones that will take a walk to chelsea piers or up to greenpoint... or drive over to baird point and glen falls and just sit around cause it's something to do.

it's tough when life is in flux... i hope i'm not wasting time... cause time's important. people and relationships don't last forever... anyone can disappear instantly. so i guess i'm questioning if i should be where i am... or should i be somewhere else doing something else.

This Is A Fire Door Never Leave Open, The Weakerthans

Headlights race towards the corner of the dining room. Half illuminate a face before they disappear. You breathe in forty years of failing to describe a feeling. I breathe out smoke against the window, trace the letters in your name. Our letters sound the same; full of all our changing that isn't change at all. All straight lines circle sometime. You said "Somewhere there's a box full of replacement parts to all the tenderness we've broken or let rust away. Somewhere sympathy is more than just a way of leaving. Somewhere someone says 'I'm sorry.' Someone's making plans to stay." So tell me it's okay. Tell me anything, or show me there's a pull, unassailable, that will lead you there, from the dark, alone, benevolence that you've never known, or you knew when you were four and can't remember. Where a small knife tears out those sloppy seams, and the silence knows what you silence means, and your metaphors (as mixed as you can make them) are linked, like days, together. I still hear trains at night, when the wind is right. I remember everything, lick and thread this string that will never mend you or tailor more than a memory of a kitchen floor, or the fire-door that we kept propping open. And I love this place; the enormous sky, and the faces, hands that I'm haunted by, so why can't I forgive these buildings, these frameworks labeled "Home"?

i don't know if six flags is showing these commercials in all their markets... but since buffalo's in the six flags darien lake market... there's been commecials in which this guy who's made to look really old gets off a bus and starts dancing to really annoying music. i hate the ad... and it also frightens me. someone make it stop... please!

so we have a family of rabbits living in our back yard... 2 parents and a baby. they are cute... they'll be out in the back just chillin and eating our grass and whatnot. i think our neighbors across the way have a groundhog that lives under their deck. sometimes he'll pop out too and chill with the rabbits... and he'll all waddle around with all his pudginess. he's fun.

chem test fri... taste of buffalo sat & sun... i'm gonna stuff myself with yummy food and the weather's supposed to be nice. maybe i'll catch anchorman this weekend.

bedtime... night.

overall... it was a good weekend. the concert sat was really nice... perfect weather... sun setting... good views down the streets and avenues coming out of niagara square. it looked kinda surreal. ben folds was really good... played some old solo stuff... new solo stuff... covers... and old ben folds five stuff. picked up some mighty and went out to cozumel after. jay had an interesting night with people from his past... you'll need to ask him about that... it cracked me up. all in all... a good night.

now sunday was really muggy and hot. it rained... and i didn't end up going to the 2nd show... but i guess a good number of people went out. most were down there already for ani before it really started coming down. streets downtown were flooded... the kensington was in bad shape i guess... and all the way down to orchard park was a mess. i ended up going up to grand island to see kris for a bit. it was nice to see a new york person again. now that i think about it... it's kinda weird when you're roomates with someone... and you pretty much see them on a daily basis... and then it changes really quickly... and you almost don't notice it until you've had time to see them away from the normal environment you used to see them in. even the last time i went back to the city in may... i didn't really think it was all that different to see linds and kris and mara... cause the context in a relational standpoint has always been within the confines of new york. this time... it was nice... but now that i think more about it... it was strange too.

ummm... jah... tansal disappeared somewhere... i don't know where he is. he wants to see spider-man 2 again when he makes his return to the buff. i think i may join him. right now... i'm planning on nyc from the 2nd weekend in aug to 3rd weekend in aug. i need to get tix soon... before the jetblue fare sale ends.

have you heard about this ken jennings guy? he's frickin ridiculous. he's on is 22nd or something consecutive win. he's got over $700k in winnings. he's from utah. wtf? stocham... kris... what's up with that? why are all you utah people freaks of nature? j/k. but seriously... that guy is amazing. he's super quick too. i'm still working on the previous question when he buzzes in and answers the current question.

i'm gonna get me an orange seat and a gold seat. there are plans to auction off the contents of the old aud downtown. i have a fondness for the old nosebleed oranges. i remember seeing many a game downtown in that arena built during the depression as a public works project. one by one all the old landmarks are being taken down. only the front facade is left of the old war memorial stadium on the east side... and now... it looks like memorial auditorium is going to be turned into a bass pro and hotel. ahhh yes... the oranges... $15 a game... i'll put the seat in front of a tv and pretend that i'm still sitting in the aud for a sabres game.

ok... on to chem lab.

80 degrees... blue skies and sunny. i'm gonna head down to niagara square in a few with jay, jill, and a couple other people... juliet dagger's playing @ 5, ben folds is playing @ 6.

i hope tomorrow stays dry enough to enjoy the afternoon. tansal gets in then... and kris may have some free time. there are only 2 places that we need to hit-up... anderson's and duffs. other than that... maybe we'll just wander around... walk around delaware park... go to the waterfront... check out the ani difranco/goo goo dolls show... or whatever. i'm just hoping the weather cooperates so that buffalo makes a good impression on its visitors... that's really all i'm asking for.

there's a link to the petition over on the right sidebar... in case it gets archived off the front page... it'll be easier to find.

if i don't have time to write tomorrow... enjoy your bbqs and ice cream... and summer food... enjoy all the freedom and choice you have by just being here. HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY 4TH EVERYONE!!

i won't say anything else except that it gets the gdab seal of approval. if you have some free time and some extra cash lying around... see it before you hear anything (more) about it. i think you'll enjoy it twice as much.

i was driving down klein rd. someone hit a skunk... the carcass was lying in the middle of the street... had to swerve so i wouldn't get skunk on my tires. those things smell rancid... the odor seeped into the car... had to open up the windows for a couple minutes while driving home.

clear night... full moon... nothing like these kinda nights for a drive down the I-990. no cops... never any cars on it... just open highway... running through north amherst... a couple curves along the way... and you're just gone.

night!

on petition online... here's the petition... if you enjoy mister softee as many people do, and you feel good when you hear him down the street in nyc during the warm months, please feel free to sign. hopefully i'll be able to collect a good amount of signatures and be able to send the link to the city council.

here's a moron... it's an older story... but it's still ridiculous. i wonder if she would've been too scared to use her toilet in her home if the same thing happened in her in her own bathroom? i should create a petition to ban stupid people... anyone want to sign that?

more idiots...

Prince said low-carb diets that advocate piling on the animal protein and fat are "increasing the risk of developing cancer, heart disease, stroke, type-2 diabetes and other chronic diseases."

best soup in the world... i need to hit up these places in china. if i'm going to be a pharmacist... i need to know how these drugs work... i have a legal obligation to be knowledgable and inform my clients/patients about drugs and stuff right?

this is why i'm afraid of the south... i was actually just talking to aaron about it last night. how do you "forget" to take segregation laws off the books for a couple decades?

ok... that's all for now... gonna go catch spiderman 2 with jill later.

yay long weekend!

it's been awhile since i've had strawberry cream cheese. i've just rediscovered it recently. it's been going on my bagel that i toast in the morning before i go to chem class. it's yummy and tasty. in fact, i could probably eat it for all my meals. i tend to do that a lot... go through phases where i overdo or over-consume things... and i get bored... move on... and come back a little later when by chance i rediscover it (which isn't very hard... since i can always eat... that's how i also rediscovered john & mary's chicken finger sub medium hot sauce with bleu cheese!!). speaking of which... witch... switch... twitch... eh... yeah... which... i haven't had mighty in a long time. perhaps it's time to rediscover that.

kris & t.c. are coming to buffalo this weekend! time for fun!

july 1st! woo-hoo! listen to some sloan... or treble charger... or drink some labatt... or molson... or find an ice rink and lay on the ice... stop by a tim horton's and pickup coffee and doughnuts... kiss a moose... hug a mountie... whatever it is... do your favourite canadian thing today (yes that's favourite... not favorite)!

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.